Hello, everyone!

Sara here. How is everyone doing? The last few months/weeks/days have been a lot. As a queer scientist and federal parks employee, I certainly feel it. This is exhausting.

Science funding is being cut at every level, trans and queer people are being erased, viruses are running rampant, environmental collapse is looming ahead, the federal government is being actively destroyed… and just so many more things are happening every day.

Last week, I was fired from my dream job with the NPS at Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I was a museum tech, tasked with maintaining, rehousing, and cataloging an enormous backlog of natural history specimens. I first saw the GRSM collection at the Spring Wildflower Pilgrimage years ago, and it was just incredible. In the collections I found amazing knowledgeable staff, spectacular specimens, and so many things to learn. I got to ask any question I could think of, I felt so comfortable and safe. In the next few years in grad school, those conversations stayed with me, the dream of what could be the perfect job. During the park's firefly event a few years ago, I spent the evening with the staff entomologist, an indescribably amazing experience. That night planted the seeds of what THEM in STEM could be. But hoping that I could ever have a role in that most magical of firefly events: the synchronous fireflies, in Elkmont? A pipedream, an impossible one, surely.

So, when I saw the listing for an Insect Curator at the park, I couldn't believe that my dream job was in reach. I applied and I hoped with everything I had. And I got it. I actually got it. It was happening, I was going to live my dream.

And I did. I had a long, beautiful commute through the park, with elk and turkeys and bears, amazing sunrises and sunsets, clouds pooling in the valleys, the trees changing. I was so excited for spring, to see the green come back. I had an amazing team, we worked seamlessly. It felt like we shared a brain. We were all so excited about our projects. We were even trying to get funding for another year to make the collection the best it could be. I was supposed to have years of employment for this, stability and fulfillment. I loved spending all day with my bugs, and I loved sharing them with others through the tours I got to run, just like the one that inspired me years ago. There was a wasp ID blitz planned in just a few weeks. I was going to work with wasp taxonomists and play in the collections with them, I couldn't believe my luck. And above all, I was so, so, so excited for this year's firefly season. The official synchronous firefly event in June, just around the corner, and I got to help run it all! I was a firefly expert of the park! I was going to share my passion with people from all over the world experiencing their dreams coming true. And I get to do my own walks on the side, too!


For 6 months, I got to live my literal dream. I loved every minute of it. Even in the moments of frustration, I was so proud of what I was doing. I could have been happy every day doing that job.

Instead, on Valentines Day, my parent's 38th wedding anniversary, I got fired.


I got the email at 4pm on a Friday before the holiday weekend. I saw it at 5pm, right before leaving the office. I didn't see it before that because I was busy doing my job. I had been dreading my eventual termination, but thought I would be safe for now, because as a term I had been told multiple times I wasn't supposed to be in danger. The park leadership had been very transparent with what was going on, working with what little information they had to keep us informed through the chaos. All of this was out of their hands.

I was devastated, but there was no way it could be real. It couldn't all just be taken away just like that, out of nowhere, on Valentine's Day before a holiday weekend. It still doesn't feel real. Not like a nightmare, but just like a bad joke.

I am doing okay. I am doing as okay as I can. I am hurt, I am devastated, I am furious. I am so, so, so sad. They are doing this to tens of thousands of valuable government workers. They are dismantling the government. The government is not perfect, but they are not fixing what is wrong. They are ruining everything that DOES work. They are targeting science. Federal science funding is essential for enormous swaths of scientific institutions, including colleges and universities doing important work. The halting of CDC communications in a time of escalating bird flu (fresh on the heels of our last devastating respiratory virus) actively endangers the food supply and the health of the entire population. The chipping away at federal environment, forest, and park workers -- everyone responsible for protecting the land we depend on that we must protect -- will destroy our green spaces.


The enormity of it is overwhelming.


And they're blaming it on the queers. Us DEI hires, shoving our identities in other people's faces, ruining their jokes with our 'wokeness'. They sit scoffing at our discoveries of identity and community they can't understand. They attack us, they're angry at our existence, and they are doing everything they can to erase us in every possible way.


We can't let ourselves be erased.


And we can't let all these attacks destroy us. They are made to drive us crazy, to overwhelm us so badly that they can do anything they want. Control our media, remove all our agency, take away everything. And then blame everything on everyone else.

They blame me for being a federal worker parasite, like me and my mediocre salary is the real reason eggs are expensive. We trade in our rights for cheap eggs, and we don't even get the cheap f–ing eggs.

They blame my queerness, my comfort in my own skin, my community of inclusion and generosity and acceptance.

They haven't seen the looks. From the little queer kid visiting my lab, seeing me in my sparkly gay frog earrings and smiling. The kids at firefly walks and butterfly birthday parties. The kids at science storytimes gently reaching out to touch my hair while listening to stories of colorful penguins and brave little owls. The adults engrossed in a scientific presentation, their inner childish excitement gleaming in their eyes. The middle schoolers, too cool for school, engrossed in bioluminescent lava lamps of their own making.

I recognize those looks, a look of recognition and curiosity and wonder, like they're seeing a reflection of something within themselves. 

Maybe that something is one they don't quite understand, something that will make them different. A target. But something that will make them magnificent and beautiful and brave and strong, and you just want to do everything in your power to make that kid's life easier. These kids especially, these young people just trying to live their lives, do not deserve what is to come. They do not deserve the constant attacks on their existence. Instead, they deserve love and acceptance and community and knowledge and science and magic and beauty and sports.

They deserve a science-teaching drag queen leading firefly walks and showing them that the world can be beautiful. That science can be magic. That it's okay for them to be who they are. That science and queerness aren't scary, that they go hand-in-hand. And the adults deserve the same damn thing!

Building THEM in STEM as a way for this all to happen is my proudest accomplishment. And with the ongoing attacks on everything THEM in STEM stands for, I feel its importance growing.


I must be doing something right if they hate everything I love.


I have my first THEM in STEM event of the year next Wednesday, March 5 with the Big Asheville Science Salon from 5-9pm at The Mule. We will have so many firefly and nature walks this spring, and I'm so excited to get back out in the woods with everyone. We will have Science Storytimes and plenty of awesome events. Come join us for as many as you want. I'm fired up, I wanna make things happen. 


We’re gonna make magic.


Community is so important right now, I don't know what I would do without the support of all my people. Thank you to everyone who has reached out, who has messaged or commented, who has recommended jobs. I am so honored to be surrounded by so many amazing people. I know whatever I do moving forward I will always be supported. Y'all allowed me to stay tethered as my world completely changed.

Now, If this is the first time you're hearing about me and THEM in STEM, welcome! If you've been to an event or heard of me before, welcome back! If you made it through this post I commend you. You're about to see some really cool stuff happening here. I'm here, I'm queer, I'm a scientist, and I'm. Not. Going. Anywhere. As much as you try to erase me, it will only make me work harder. Because you just gave me plenty of free time, some decent exposure, and a drive to make this world better.

Buckle up.
 
Best,
Sara